My first and second-semester results were mediocre (by my standards). I got a 9.1 something GPA in my first year, and I was not happy. Okay, so I might sound like a nerd to you, but read further.

So, I think I interpreted things faster than most of the students in my class. I did all the assignments on time, and I found the practice problems quite easy to solve. By those standards, I should be in the top 2% of the batch, isn’t it?

*Back story: This was the same phenomena happening in my high school. I would understand the quickest in my class, would do all the assignments, and I really worked hard. Really. But there were some things I did wrong. Like panicking, sweating the small stuff, being anxious just before exams and important assignments. And slogging without addressing the actual problems. That didn’t do any good. and it crept to different areas of life. Every situation when I needed to be a little careful became a critical neural surgery, where I did not allow myself to go even a tad wavered. My stammering increased, and I was fidgety a lot of times during the day. The only good thing was that I had a supportive family. That makes a world of difference.

Back to university days: So, I thought I already have spoilt the show many times by inducing unnecessary anxiety, and why not try and stay calm during crunch moments. This was also particularly the time when I got into self-development and started studying high performers and what they did. I studied more of them and tried to bring some lifestyle changes.

But things did not come easy. Years of conditioning of an anxious mind took some months of working. I would tell myself before the exam that I have screwed up things by being anxious, and I am not going to do it again. But that same chest-ache would return when I approached the exam room.

The improvements were slow, but there were there for sure when I rocked up a GPA of 9.7 in semester 3. And I gave a speech in front of the public, without stammering. Oh my god!

One of the mistakes I kept making for a long time in life was to study for marks: mom and dad always insisted that I go for the knowledge, but remember the Mathematics Olympiad I cracked? I’ll tell you a secret (this is between us only, promise?): I did not know all the concepts. For a couple of questions, I used a different concept to solve a problem from an altogether problem set. And because one of the options provided matched my answer, I ticked it. And when the spotlight came onto me, it instilled a belief in me that I need to get the marks/results, even if I do not know the concepts. Some of the years which followed this: I studied for marks only. And this was the added cause of anxiety. I worried not about solving the question paper, but about getting the marks, even before the exam started. And yes, while marks are good, I learnt the hard way that I need to focus on solving problems, on doing the work. The marks and the result takes care of themselves.

This is the mindset change I made before the start of my 4th semester. During the classes, during the exams, every time, I was focused on solving the problems more. I started identifying myself as a problems solver. And much to my surprise, I stopped worrying about the results. For the first time in such a long time, my anxiety levels reduced. And marks, well it did not even cross my mind until our 4th-semester results came out.

I had ranked first in my batch. [Semester 4]